Writing about your wedding may just be as overwhelming as planning it. There’s so many details, aspects, and emotions to describe and it’s hard to fit it all together in a cohesive piece. So I thought I’d make things a bit easier and tell you all about the beginning first. The “how we got here.” Or, the “what the hell are we doing/thinking” stages. (Hehe, jk) In this post, I also talk about our planning details and what we learned along the way. Turns out, you learn many lessons in wedding planning. If you happen to be in the midst of your own wedding plans, destination or not, hopefully this can help a bit.
The absolute coolest part of our getting married was that from the very beginning, the experience was completely us. We had been together a month shy of 8 years when we decided TOGETHER “let’s do it”. There was no fancy proposal, no ring, no one hiding behind a bush ready to film us, it was just us, sitting in our cozy home and chatting about our future. It was kinda perfect to be honest and definitely the calm before the storm.
We reached the decision to wed in early August and planned to elope in the fall, throwing a party in New Orleans (where Ben is from) the following spring. This gave us a couple months to sort out details and decide where in the world we wanted to go for our special day. It was a completely intoxicating (and overwhelming) feeling. I mean, we had the ENTIRE world to choose from and we were both just so excited! We spent our time looking at different unpopulated and largely unknown islands, breathtaking medieval villages, quiet, flourishing vineyards, and so on. We were all over the place with where we wanted to end up, but we knew we wanted to be out in nature. Somewhere beautiful that made us feel connected to the earth and allowed us to be fully wrapped up in each other. And then, there it was: Joshua Tree, California, a brief 3.5 hour flight from home. Go figure.
The inspiration behind Joshua Tree actually came from one of my close friends, Sam Nichols. She’s a brilliant professional photographer based in NYC, who happened to take a trip out to Joshua Tree a couple months prior. Her photos were incredible and just resonated with us. Even with all our searching, we kept coming back to the desert. Not only was the landscape something we both were drawn to, but also the vibe itself. The laidback desert feels were pulling on our heart strings and we just couldn’t resist them.
We started planning our romantic escape and every step of the way seemed to validate our decision. We absolutely couldn’t have found a better place. But although we were ecstatic about our location the thought of not having our closest family and friends there was starting to weigh on us. We really tried to resist the guilt (sorry guys) and fuel our heads with so many reasons why eloping was a better idea. EASIER, less expensive, more romantic and about us, no drama, the list goes on.. we really said it all. But at the end of the day, not having our closest family and friends there just didn’t feel right. And we also really like a good party. Who doesn’t, amirite?
So we changed our plans a bit. Actually, we didn’t change our plans at all- we decided to keep everything exactly the same, but now just with guests. Sounds easy, right? No. Joke was on me. Turns out, adding guests changes EVERYTHING. At this point, it’s mid August and our plan was to get married October 27th. I try (pretend) to be optimistic though and have a can do attitude, so we just went for it and committed. The saving grace here and the only reason Ben and I didn’t end up running away to never be heard from again was my best friend, Liz. A prior wedding planner with a great sense of style. (Praise Jesus!) This completely saved me, to be honest. Not sure which was more calming, her knowledge of event planning and coordinating OR her sense of control. Regardless, she was a dream. If you’re starting to plan your own wedding, destination or not, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have someone organized, calm, and decisive on your side. Get yourself a Liz.
Although our plans changed from eloping to having a wedding, we still wanted our special day to feel intimate. We kept our guest list as small as we possibly could, which was under 50, and got straight to planning! Instead of choosing an actual wedding venue that would supply tables and chairs, have audio hook ups, and most likely, in-house catering, we opted for the more challenging route and booked a property we found on Airbnb. It was definitely more work for sure, especially with only two months to plan, but it was also totally worth it. We decided to go with Airbnb for a few reasons. One being that, the intimacy we wanted would be more easily achievable. We thought this would allow our wedding to feel laid back and cozy. The idea of people just hanging out, snuggling up by the fire outside or maybe having late night explorations around the surrounding boulders just made it seem more like us. Another reason we chose Airbnb was that we were bringing our closest, most favorite people in the world to one spot and we wanted to hang out with them! And having a house allowed us to do just that. Not only were guests able to swing by and stop in throughout the weekend, but we also managed to find an incredible Airbnb with plenty of space for people to stay on the property with us.
Pipes Canyon Lodge was home for the week! An insanely special place located right in Pioneerotwn, just outside of Joshua Tree and approximately a 10 minute drive from Pappy & Harriets. The Lodge is situated right next to Black Lava Butte and Flat Top Mesa in the Sand to Snow National Monument. Gorgeous views of the boulders and surrounding hills with trailheads engulf the grounds. It was an absolute magical location. The property itself is set up with a main house, a guest house, and a super cool vintage trailer. A pergola sits beside the main house strung with string lights, creating a dreamy outdoor setting for the evenings. Between the three structures, 14 of our guests were able to stay with us throughout the weekend. Big breakfasts were had around the giant dining room table with our friends and family, while quiet moments taking in the view were experienced from the long covered porch. Words cannot express how beautiful this property is and just how perfect it was not only for our wedding, but also for our entire weekend. And somehow it got even better! Three houses on the same road were listed on airbnb and available to rent. Ben’s friends grabbed the house next door, my Dad and stepmom were two houses down from them, and then my cousins were two houses down from our house on the other side. A total of 28 people all within walking distance- it was almost like we had our own commune!
It was end of August, the venue was booked and it was time to send out invitations. Not sure why I thought invitations were a good place to start the fun DIY projects. But it happened. I gave myself about a week to handpaint all of our invites. Four little cacti in a row painted in watercolor on thick watercolor paper. Nothing fancy, but fun and enough. Thankfully I decided against handwriting anything and simply printed our wedding details on nice paper, cut them down and secured them on the backs of the hand painted cacti. I do have to say, at the time, I hated myself. Our house was covered in ripped up practice sheets, unevenly cut scraps of paper, our floor had envelpoes laid out everywhere, and trying not to step on paintbrushes, rulers, or exacto knives was a chore. But in the end, I’m glad I did it. It was my way of making our invites more personal and you know what? I thought they were cute.
Invites are sent and it’s the beginning of September. Now lets plan a wedding.
To be perfectly honest, a lot of what we chose to do actually came together quite organically. Things seemed to fall into place when they were ready to and we really didn’t know what we wanted until we just did, if that makes sense. For instance, a few people had asked us what our “wedding colors” were in the early stages of our planning. I hadn’t thought about this at all and told them we didn’t have any. But then two weeks before our wedding, I realized I had a color without even really noticing. That’s what I mean though- SOME things just fell into place. That’s not to say we didn’t have our share of hiccups though. The next thing on our list was catering. And boy, was this a giant hiccup. Finding catering out in the desert wasn’t the easiest. People were either booked or unresponsive. The more we searched, the wider and wider our search circle had to grow. We finally found and settled on a Food Truck based out of Los Angeles. They served organic, sustainable food, their menus sounded awesome, and they were willing to drive out to Pioneertown. We were stoked. The event coordinator wasn’t very communicative and seemed like she could care less about us, BUT we were hopeful that it would all come together.
So there was catering sorted and we were able to move onto rentals! Tables, chairs, heat lamps, a super cute boho lounge area—all the essentials. Pinterest really knows how to get you excited for the goods. Although working with ONE company would have been most ideal, I was the bride and needed TWO. Just kidding- but we did work with two different companies. Signature Party Rentals was the first company I started working with. They had a desert location, which was great, but I wasn’t loving their selection of furniture. They had the dance floor, audio hook ups, heat lamps and, not to mention, simple table settings that were exactly what I had in mind. Based out of Carlsbad, Adore Folklore on the other hand, carry the stylish boho style we wanted, but couldn’t help us with a dance floor or heating and audio equipment. So- we worked with both!
Finding someone to marry us was an easy one. There’s a reason Celene de Miranda is one of the first people to come up when searching officiants in the desert. She’s absolutely amazing! We scheduled a Skype date and almost immediately it just felt right. She has this warm energy about her and her smile is one of the most genuine. She was quick to understand what we wanted and had incredible resources in regards to readings and specific wording throughout the ceremony. The only thing we knew we wanted to include in our ceremony was sharing a sip of scotch from a traditional Scottish drinking bowl. Not only was sharing the quaich symbolic of us becoming one, but it was also our way of toasting those who couldn’t be with us. When we relayed this to Celene, she was quick to ask if we wanted to also include a Celtic handfasting ritual. We decided to go for it and chose three cords representing honesty, respect, and acceptance. During the ceremony, she would tie them in a knot around our hands. We really couldn’t have worked with a better person. Shy of two months of communicating and by our wedding day, it was like she really knew and understood us. I really can’t rave about her enough!
By mid September, our catering contact would not respond to any of our emails. And when she would, the answers would be short and never even answering our questions. At this point, our wedding is getting closer and closer and we’re losing faith in them quickly. What do you do when you’re being ignored and feel like your hands are tied? In an attempt to ease my mind, I started looking at more reviews, specifically about their events. This is where things took a turn. I was on the edge of my seat, heart pounding and blood pressure rising while reading lines like, “the food truck showed up two hours late for my wedding. Apparently the truck broke down and they never called..” or “they ran out of food at my wedding..” OH. MY. GOD. What had I done? We had already sent them a credit card authorization form for a hefty deposit and who knows if they were even going to show up. The lack of communication thus far was not reassuring AT ALL. I immediately called our contact and she ACTUALLY picked up. I expressed how uneasy I was by her unresponsiveness and asked if she had charged the card for the deposit yet. Not only was she not apologetic in the slightest, but she didn’t even seem phased. Our card had not been charged though, and when I asked if we’d be charged to cancel her response was a short “no.” Alright, let’s do that. Do not charge the card, shred the authorization, and cancel our event. “Okay. Is that all?” -Cut to my distorted confused face..What in the hell had just happened? No apology, no “we can make it right", nothing. I was so caught off guard and confused that I hung up and sat there, first in silence, then uncontrollable laughter, and then the anxious, holy shit tears came. We’re getting married in 6 weeks and we don’t have a caterer.
Things worked themselves out though and we ended up working with the most incredible (and local!) private chef, Kathleen Case. The owner of the property we were renting had recommended her when we initially booked. We had immediately sent her a message and discussed mediterranean food choices, but then lost track of each other. It was then, that we got wrapped up with the food truck for a couple weeks. Like time was on our side, we received a followup email from Kathleen one day after canceling our event with the food truck. Her menu was fantastic, she was local (no travel fees!), and she was the absolute sweetest and quick to tell me to call her with any questions. I was sold! Relieved and grateful doesn’t even start to cover it.
When you’re planning a wedding in the desert, there are two things you have to consider that you probably didn’t realize before. Toilets and noise. You will have to rent bathrooms for your guests since the homes in the area are on a septic system and not set up for bigger crowds. We used Burrtec and it was pretty straight forward. Concerning noise: sound travels so easily in the desert and, because of this, there’s actually a noise ordinance. Amplified music is not permitted past 10pm. Considering this little detail and the fact that we were having a small(ish) group of people, we decided to skip the DJ and just put together different playlists on my computer. Between Amazon and iTunes, you can download whatever songs you want and you’re set!
The bar was something we made sure to have though! We put beer and wine out in galvanized tubs for when people arrived, but then after the ceremony, it was a full bar! Andrew Simmons, from Los Angeles Bartenders, came out and was nothing but accommodating! What was awesome about working with Andrew was that he had different packages and we weren’t obligated to purchase alcohol through him. We could just tell him what we needed him to provide and worry about the other stuff ourselves.
We kept the table arrangements and decor simple. I ordered gold votive tea light holders, glass hurricanes and white pillar candles from Amazon and had them shipped to my family in Las Vegas. I shipped A LOT of stuff to Las Vegas actually. From a woven dreamcatcher to hang on our arbor, to cocktail napkins and a cake topper. Initially, I was all over the place with what I wanted to do decor wise. Planning from Chicago made it more challenging and so I finally just settled on less is more. I decided to do the name settings myself, using the same watercolor paper I used for the invitations. I cut them long, like a bookmark, writing each name at the top and stamping a cactus on the bottom. We kept them long to tuck them in a napkin pocket so they wouldn’t blow away. We were scheduled to check into Pipes Canyon Lodge on Thursday, the 24th. So to make sure we had plenty of time for shopping and picking up anything extra, Ben and I would fly into Los Angeles the Sunday before and run our errands during the week. Even though we tried to ship the majority of our purchases to my family to save us time, you’d be amazed at how many other “things” you realize you “need”. Liz and my sister were flying in on Tuesday to help us, so at least we had extra hands. It was in these few days that we picked up everything for our wedding: alcohol, galvanized tubs for beer and wine before the ceremony, picture frames to hold welcome signs, snacks and treats for welcome bags, minor decor pieces, food for the house and cases on cases of water. The list goes on. We were running nonstop it seemed. But we were kinda playing it all by ear too. To be honest, the wedding was going to be what it was going to be. That isn’t to say we weren’t stressed though.
Thursday morning came and Liz, myself and my sister woke up at 4am and took a ride over in the dark to the LA flower market. Three days before your wedding is a great time to sort out flowers, right? We walked in and almost immediately knew we were grabbing eucalyptus for the tables. A couple bushels of that, baby’s breath, and some amaranths in a warm yellow and magenta and we were ready to pack everything up and hit the road! Liz and Shannon were crammed together in the back between flowers and suitcases with my dress laid over them like a blanket. I doubt Ben could see out the back window, but why would the driver need to see?
The constant craziness surrounding us during those two months of planning was nothing short of exhausting. There were so many things we did not consider at the beginning and because of that, we learned SO MUCH. It’s funny how during the planning process so many people tell you that certain things don’t matter. It’s meant with love, but in the moment you want them to explode into a thousand pieces.. what? Just me? Well, turns out they were right. There’s so many things that really aren’t worth the time and energy worrying about. Especially for a destination wedding where you have so much less control. A destination wedding is all about exactly that, the destination. We didn’t tour the property before we booked. We didn’t taste any food before agreeing on a menu. We had no idea what we were doing until all of a sudden we did. We just wanted to go somewhere beautiful with some people that we love. And in the end, that really was the best part, being with our friends and family. It doesn’t matter if the bartender shows up late, or that the initial catering company charges you thousands after confirming they would not. There will always be aspects out of your control that don’t go smoothly. And you just have to let it go. You won’t be looking back thinking about those things anyway. You’ll be thinking about the special moments that made your heart swell. The times that you stood there thinking you never knew you could be so happy. And a month later when you’re thinking about your wedding day (or writing about it) you’ll be tearing up because it was the most magical day of your life.
Sam Nichols came back out to Joshua Tree by the way to photograph our wedding. Every photo on this post is hers and you can see more of her work here.